Monday, September 12, 2011

Redemption Season

My BFF on Sundays, Mondays and alternating Wednesdays -- @thisisnotapril-- , sent me this as a birthday gift:

I have been rocking the bracelet nonstop and have a plan to put a fingernail tattoo on a finger for each Patriots regular season win... although, with showering, that may not be the best idea...I'm putting a pin in it.

Here we are... 2011. The schedule features the NFC East teams...does anyone remember the last time we played the NFC East teams...yup...2007...that season.

That oh-so-fucking-close-to-shutting-the-72-Dolphins-the-fuck-up-FOREVER-season. Sigh.

So yes, when I saw the schedule, I immediately dubbed this the "Redemption Season." Where the 2011 Patriots return to finish the job the 2007 Patriots started. A Giants fan in my office laughed at me every day for a week after I said this out loud. Then she started writing football appropriate lyrics to Bob Marley's "Redemption Song," and humming it whenever she saw me in the break room. My project with her ended last week, but I wish I could have seen her humming ass face yesterday afternoon after the Redskins went all whack-a-mole on Eli.

But, I digress. This post is about the Patriots and my hopes (without being tainted by the results of tonight's Dolphins game.)

I did not like what I saw in Detroit last month or whenever that debacle was... as Fitzy so cleverly put it, the Lions fed our boys a nut sack sandwich AND NOBODY LIKES A NUT SACE SANDWICH!

All my friends kept saying "ah, don't worry, it's preseason." But they weren't watching -- our starters WERE OUT THERE PLAYING. FOR REALSIES. AND STILL LOSING. Mankins took a punch to the face for chrissakes. They weren't playing "preseason football," they were playing football football and couldn't get a damn thing going. AGAINST THE LIONS. (I know, I know they're good this year, but still...that team is supposed to be our fun house mirror image, not dominating us on the gridiron.)

I liked the off season addition of Haynesworth (though, why is he ALWAYS out with some random ailment or court appearance??) I was NOT a fan of the Ochocinco prediction is that sideshow will be leaving town before the season ends. (Plus, my opponent in fantasy has him tonight and I'm down by 3 points, so I'm hoping for a big fat Ocho goose egg.)

I love our two headed tight end monster and Welker obviously...but if the Offensive line is going to be choking on nut sacks all year long... the Patriots are going to lose games. Tom Brady can't throw touchdowns from the ground... well, he can, but not enough to string together another perfect season.

The Ravens look terrifyingly good on both defense AND offense. The Jets look good on defense and practically Sanchez-riffic on offense. (Please note: any adjective which begins with "Sanchez" on Wide Right is pejorative. #noraces - Management.) The Bills strung together three lights out quarters of football on Sunday and hell, even I picked up Brandon Marshall after watching some of the Miami preseason games. There are no gimmees this year. League parity blah blah blah.

But I love my boys: Brady, Wilfork, Mankins, Branch, Welker, McCourty...wheeeee! I fear and respect our coach above all things, I prayed extra super hard on Sunday for another Patriots championship, so we'll see what we see. I'm also putting bets on the Ravens and the Jets to win the AFC championship and the Eagles or Green Bay to win the Superbowl for extra good coloring measure.

I'm ready for tonight and hope we squish the fish so bad, their stadium looks like "The Cove."



  1. You could just skip showering in order to keep the nail decals on. I mean, what if that's the key to their season??

  2. Unfortunately, the Patsies are looking really good. Not sure how my Fins are staying in it.