Okay, that's probably offensive... or something. But no one reads this blog, right? So I'm good.
Sigh.
Losing to the Bills in week 3, probably shouldn't be the worst thing in the world. But...
1. I hate when the Patriots lose. Fuck, I hate when the Patriots barely win, but when the Riots lose, reality collapses on itself and I take to my couch for weeks on end, eating stray Cheerios off the floor and drinking wine by the box. It's not a pretty sight.
2. I hate when the Patriots lose games to teams they should trounce. Now, to be fair, I'm not sure that the 3-0 (fuck my life) Bills actually fall into that category, but given that we've beaten those jackholes (the twitter/social media reaction from Bills fans has been borderline disgusting. I can't wait till the inevitable Buffalo collapse now. They deserve every bit of whatever's coming.) 15/16 games in a row, I would have said advantage Brady. Le sigh.
3. Tom Brady had the worst regular season game of his life... I dunno if that's true or not, but it sure as hell felt that way in the second half. And yes, I fucking blame Ocho Cinco and want to rip his heart out of his body via his throat, but my Tommy just couldn't close the deal... Jaysus, two picks within Buffalo's 20? FROM TOM MOTHER FUCKING BRADY? HELL NAW! Actually, I suppose this could be the good news. An epic meltdown by Number 12 and we only lose by 3? Mmm...nope, still feels like AIDS.
4. I did everything in power to secure victory for New England... seriously, EVERYTHING, and instead, I manage to come up with my first sports bet win of my life. *Awesome* One of my Patriots tweeps did remind me that the last time the Patriots lost to the Bills we won the Superbowl, so...there's that?
Blah. So, we're all looking up at the undefeated Bills who lead the AFC East (sanks GAWD the fucking Jests lost in Oakland) and the Bills play the Bengals next week, so let's just accept that they're 4-0. The Patriots face a tough Oakland team. They fucked Sanchez up today, I mean, ugly. So, I dunno. Hopefully Tommy will be out for blood...I can't remember our last back to back losses...oh, maybe '09? That season sucked it. But I dunno...this could be bad...at least the Jests face the Ravens, so they should lose again.
So, yup, week 3 blew and week 4 looks bleak.
AIDS.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Monday, September 19, 2011
The Patriots win TWO!
I can't lie. I was worried about this game. The Rivers hype started to get to me. People on twitter were sending notes about the offensive onslaught from Rivers and Jackson and Gates. The Patriots defense struggled against a silly Dolphins offense last week AND we lost in week two last year... to the vomitous New Jersey Jets. So, yeah, worried.
The stupid Bills/Oakland game went over and so I missed the first eight minutes of the home opener, but the game came on just in time for me to see Brady draw first blood with a puhrty touchdown pass to Hernandez. A member of Patriots nation on twitter said that he wants to start calling this the "Blitzkrieg offense." Fast, precise, deadly. We were all ready to bash in the Chargers faces if they faked one more BS injury to break up the Riots momentum. Things were looking good early, then the defense gave up a touchdown to Rivers and the worry was back.
HEY, speaking of worries... did anyone see Ocho show up yesterday! Very briefly, more like a pop in, but still nice catch to move us closer to pay dirt!
Oh, and watching Tom Brady both run for the first down was hysterical! Oh sweetie, you're just not that kind of quarterback! But I still luh you. Patriots take the lead again off Gostkowski's foot and I cover my face with my hands as the defense comes out to face Rivers again.
The Patriots D did what they always do (or fail to do...Jesus, can someone confirm that they understand there are *FOUR* downs and you can't just chillax on third?) but then, OMG. River is in the redzone, Chargers look like they're about to take the first lead of the game...I can't watch... stopped. Second and goal! STOPPED AGAIN. THIRD AND GOAL. Rivers tries to run it in: DEEENIIIEEDD!!!
OH MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH!!
FOURTH AND INCHES at the goal line, THE CHARGERS GO FOR IT.
I want to vomit...I CAN'T...
THE DEFENSE HOLDS THEM!!! OH. MY. FUCKING. LORD!!!
Tom Brady does what he does BESTEST, march down the full length of the field for a touchdown. GRONKED!
Suddenly, I can't remember what I was so worried about. I was at Qualcomm for last year's Patriots/Chargers match up and even though the Riots (I hate the nickname "Pats") played poorly, the Chargers managed to play WORSE. I mean awful penalties and even worse throws...blech. Phil Rivers might be the most overhyped quarterback in the league...well, or maybe tied with Matt Ryan. When your stupid ass is getting intercepted by our *nose tackle* you need to sit all the way down and fall ALL the way back. The big man looked almost spry bumbling down the sidelines! (Ooh, and how dirty were those two Brady to Branch passes to get Gostkowski 20 yards closer! I MEAN HONESTLY, NO RESPECT FOR THE CHARGERS DEFENSE!) When I saw the tribute to Myra Kraft at the half and the fact that they were dedicating this game to the memory of the team's matriarch, I knew the Chargers were done for.
My friends from LA were visiting New York and decided to come over to see the late games with me (they had tickets to watch the Jets pick apart the Jaguars.) Transit decided not to run any trains to Brooklyn, so I had to pause the game to go fetch them.
I had actually seen last year's Patriots/Chargers game with my visitors, so we decided it was now an annual tradition to watch the Patriots spank the Chargers at football.
When we returned the score was still 20- 7, but again the defense kept letting Rivers convert third down and third down. Chargers score. I pout.
Brady stalls out. The PATRIOTS GO FOR IT ON FOURTH! Crippling flashbacks of that offing Colts game from two years ago...they can't convert. Turnover on downs and Chargers have amazing field position. I want to cry. The stupid announcers are all "blah blah I would never have done that blah blah blah." Before they can even finish their thought....FUMBLE! PATRIOTS RECOVER THE BALL! HAHAHAHAHAH
SUCK IT! The big Rivers fans from just a few days ago are getting salty about all my "Philip Rivers sucks," tweets. I laugh even harder.
Patriots score, they go for two AND get it! I'm couch dancing like nobody's business. Patriots go up 2-0. I exhale.
The defense still needs to get better. Like, Belichick should dock their pay $50,000 for every third down they give up, Ridley didn't look so great in a real game, and Ocho still has a ways to go...I still doubt that he finishes out the season.
My love of Deion Branch continues to grow and grow...may be time to buy me a number 84 jersey. I hope he retires as a Patriot.
My men on our the road next week against the Bills. My former friends from Buffalo are already sending me ratchet trash texts and tweets.
Mmmhmm. I'm not saying anything. I'll leave it up to Tom Brady to respond. Give him five minutes.
The stupid Bills/Oakland game went over and so I missed the first eight minutes of the home opener, but the game came on just in time for me to see Brady draw first blood with a puhrty touchdown pass to Hernandez. A member of Patriots nation on twitter said that he wants to start calling this the "Blitzkrieg offense." Fast, precise, deadly. We were all ready to bash in the Chargers faces if they faked one more BS injury to break up the Riots momentum. Things were looking good early, then the defense gave up a touchdown to Rivers and the worry was back.
HEY, speaking of worries... did anyone see Ocho show up yesterday! Very briefly, more like a pop in, but still nice catch to move us closer to pay dirt!
Oh, and watching Tom Brady both run for the first down was hysterical! Oh sweetie, you're just not that kind of quarterback! But I still luh you. Patriots take the lead again off Gostkowski's foot and I cover my face with my hands as the defense comes out to face Rivers again.
The Patriots D did what they always do (or fail to do...Jesus, can someone confirm that they understand there are *FOUR* downs and you can't just chillax on third?) but then, OMG. River is in the redzone, Chargers look like they're about to take the first lead of the game...I can't watch... stopped. Second and goal! STOPPED AGAIN. THIRD AND GOAL. Rivers tries to run it in: DEEENIIIEEDD!!!
OH MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH!!
FOURTH AND INCHES at the goal line, THE CHARGERS GO FOR IT.
I want to vomit...I CAN'T...
THE DEFENSE HOLDS THEM!!! OH. MY. FUCKING. LORD!!!
Tom Brady does what he does BESTEST, march down the full length of the field for a touchdown. GRONKED!
Suddenly, I can't remember what I was so worried about. I was at Qualcomm for last year's Patriots/Chargers match up and even though the Riots (I hate the nickname "Pats") played poorly, the Chargers managed to play WORSE. I mean awful penalties and even worse throws...blech. Phil Rivers might be the most overhyped quarterback in the league...well, or maybe tied with Matt Ryan. When your stupid ass is getting intercepted by our *nose tackle* you need to sit all the way down and fall ALL the way back. The big man looked almost spry bumbling down the sidelines! (Ooh, and how dirty were those two Brady to Branch passes to get Gostkowski 20 yards closer! I MEAN HONESTLY, NO RESPECT FOR THE CHARGERS DEFENSE!) When I saw the tribute to Myra Kraft at the half and the fact that they were dedicating this game to the memory of the team's matriarch, I knew the Chargers were done for.
My friends from LA were visiting New York and decided to come over to see the late games with me (they had tickets to watch the Jets pick apart the Jaguars.) Transit decided not to run any trains to Brooklyn, so I had to pause the game to go fetch them.
I had actually seen last year's Patriots/Chargers game with my visitors, so we decided it was now an annual tradition to watch the Patriots spank the Chargers at football.
When we returned the score was still 20- 7, but again the defense kept letting Rivers convert third down and third down. Chargers score. I pout.
Brady stalls out. The PATRIOTS GO FOR IT ON FOURTH! Crippling flashbacks of that offing Colts game from two years ago...they can't convert. Turnover on downs and Chargers have amazing field position. I want to cry. The stupid announcers are all "blah blah I would never have done that blah blah blah." Before they can even finish their thought....FUMBLE! PATRIOTS RECOVER THE BALL! HAHAHAHAHAH
SUCK IT! The big Rivers fans from just a few days ago are getting salty about all my "Philip Rivers sucks," tweets. I laugh even harder.
Patriots score, they go for two AND get it! I'm couch dancing like nobody's business. Patriots go up 2-0. I exhale.
The defense still needs to get better. Like, Belichick should dock their pay $50,000 for every third down they give up, Ridley didn't look so great in a real game, and Ocho still has a ways to go...I still doubt that he finishes out the season.
My love of Deion Branch continues to grow and grow...may be time to buy me a number 84 jersey. I hope he retires as a Patriot.
My men on our the road next week against the Bills. My former friends from Buffalo are already sending me ratchet trash texts and tweets.
Mmmhmm. I'm not saying anything. I'll leave it up to Tom Brady to respond. Give him five minutes.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
WON AND OHHH YYEEEAAAHHHH
I had SO many favorite moments from last night's game! OH GOSH did I miss football!
So, yeah Hernandez made it rain in the end zone, Welker made the Dolphins eat his dust (see above), Solder man-effing-handled that Wake dude, but one name I haven't heard much today was Deion Branch! And how amazing was HE LAST NIGHT? I know the Dolphins ended up scoring anyway, but his tackle after the dude picked off Brady WAS EPIC! Branch is ALL HEART! And on top of that, he was catching passes ALL OVER the face of that Dolphin corner! Soo so so good.
I love this offense. I love them from the tippy top of Gronkowski's head (the good one, not the one that starts all false and leads Tom Brady to throw his first interception in two damn hell as years...GRRR) to the bottom of Woodhead's itty bitty teeny tiny feet. Can we trade Ocho to the Vikings for a third round pick in 2013 and hire back Randy Moss for a twenty-five dollars? Can we? Can we? Actually, my opponent had Ocho last night, so I can only hope that his sucktacular outing was simply because he knew that any big catches or touchdowns would doom my inaugural fantasy week.
Similarly...
I can only assume that the defense knew I had Brandon Marshall on my team, so that's why McCourty let him have a 100+ yards game. UGH. What is UP with our defense? Henne basically walked the ball into the end zone and they just should there, mouths agape, going "hey, quarterbacks can DO that?" YES! MOTHERFUCKERS! NOW PUT HIS ASS ON THE GROUND!
They seemed to get better for the second and third quarters, but they need to start stronger AND finish stronger. If we've got Henne passing for 400 yards on us, what the hell is RIVER GONNA DO?? *Shudders.*
OH, and in my fantasy footnote, after Marshall's performance, and despite Gostkowski's shank, I went into the last game of the week with a 16 point lead and my opponent only having Janikowski left. I nearly had a fucking coronary as he ALONE scored 13 points in the first half! DAMN HELL AS SUCKING ASS BRONCOS! But I ended up hanging on for the win by like slightly less than 3 points.
I now lead the league, like the Patriots lead their division!
OOO-RAH!
Monday, September 12, 2011
Redemption Season
My BFF on Sundays, Mondays and alternating Wednesdays -- @thisisnotapril-- , sent me this as a birthday gift:
I have been rocking the bracelet nonstop and have a plan to put a fingernail tattoo on a finger for each Patriots regular season win... although, with showering, that may not be the best idea...I'm putting a pin in it.
Here we are... 2011. The schedule features the NFC East teams...does anyone remember the last time we played the NFC East teams...yup...2007...that season.
That oh-so-fucking-close-to-shutting-the-72-Dolphins-the-fuck-up-FOREVER-season. Sigh.
So yes, when I saw the schedule, I immediately dubbed this the "Redemption Season." Where the 2011 Patriots return to finish the job the 2007 Patriots started. A Giants fan in my office laughed at me every day for a week after I said this out loud. Then she started writing football appropriate lyrics to Bob Marley's "Redemption Song," and humming it whenever she saw me in the break room. My project with her ended last week, but I wish I could have seen her humming ass face yesterday afternoon after the Redskins went all whack-a-mole on Eli.
But, I digress. This post is about the Patriots and my hopes (without being tainted by the results of tonight's Dolphins game.)
I did not like what I saw in Detroit last month or whenever that debacle was... as Fitzy so cleverly put it, the Lions fed our boys a nut sack sandwich AND NOBODY LIKES A NUT SACE SANDWICH!
All my friends kept saying "ah, don't worry, it's preseason." But they weren't watching -- our starters WERE OUT THERE PLAYING. FOR REALSIES. AND STILL LOSING. Mankins took a punch to the face for chrissakes. They weren't playing "preseason football," they were playing football football and couldn't get a damn thing going. AGAINST THE LIONS. (I know, I know they're good this year, but still...that team is supposed to be our fun house mirror image, not dominating us on the gridiron.)
I liked the off season addition of Haynesworth (though, why is he ALWAYS out with some random ailment or court appearance??) I was NOT a fan of the Ochocinco addition...my prediction is that sideshow will be leaving town before the season ends. (Plus, my opponent in fantasy has him tonight and I'm down by 3 points, so I'm hoping for a big fat Ocho goose egg.)
I love our two headed tight end monster and Welker obviously...but if the Offensive line is going to be choking on nut sacks all year long... the Patriots are going to lose games. Tom Brady can't throw touchdowns from the ground... well, he can, but not enough to string together another perfect season.
The Ravens look terrifyingly good on both defense AND offense. The Jets look good on defense and practically Sanchez-riffic on offense. (Please note: any adjective which begins with "Sanchez" on Wide Right is pejorative. #noraces - Management.) The Bills strung together three lights out quarters of football on Sunday and hell, even I picked up Brandon Marshall after watching some of the Miami preseason games. There are no gimmees this year. League parity blah blah blah.
But I love my boys: Brady, Wilfork, Mankins, Branch, Welker, McCourty...wheeeee! I fear and respect our coach above all things, I prayed extra super hard on Sunday for another Patriots championship, so we'll see what we see. I'm also putting bets on the Ravens and the Jets to win the AFC championship and the Eagles or Green Bay to win the Superbowl for extra good coloring measure.
I'm ready for tonight and hope we squish the fish so bad, their stadium looks like "The Cove."
Lombardi FOUR.... REDEMPTION SEASON ACTIVATE!
I have been rocking the bracelet nonstop and have a plan to put a fingernail tattoo on a finger for each Patriots regular season win... although, with showering, that may not be the best idea...I'm putting a pin in it.
Here we are... 2011. The schedule features the NFC East teams...does anyone remember the last time we played the NFC East teams...yup...2007...that season.
That oh-so-fucking-close-to-shutting-the-72-Dolphins-the-fuck-up-FOREVER-season. Sigh.
So yes, when I saw the schedule, I immediately dubbed this the "Redemption Season." Where the 2011 Patriots return to finish the job the 2007 Patriots started. A Giants fan in my office laughed at me every day for a week after I said this out loud. Then she started writing football appropriate lyrics to Bob Marley's "Redemption Song," and humming it whenever she saw me in the break room. My project with her ended last week, but I wish I could have seen her humming ass face yesterday afternoon after the Redskins went all whack-a-mole on Eli.
But, I digress. This post is about the Patriots and my hopes (without being tainted by the results of tonight's Dolphins game.)
I did not like what I saw in Detroit last month or whenever that debacle was... as Fitzy so cleverly put it, the Lions fed our boys a nut sack sandwich AND NOBODY LIKES A NUT SACE SANDWICH!
All my friends kept saying "ah, don't worry, it's preseason." But they weren't watching -- our starters WERE OUT THERE PLAYING. FOR REALSIES. AND STILL LOSING. Mankins took a punch to the face for chrissakes. They weren't playing "preseason football," they were playing football football and couldn't get a damn thing going. AGAINST THE LIONS. (I know, I know they're good this year, but still...that team is supposed to be our fun house mirror image, not dominating us on the gridiron.)
I liked the off season addition of Haynesworth (though, why is he ALWAYS out with some random ailment or court appearance??) I was NOT a fan of the Ochocinco addition...my prediction is that sideshow will be leaving town before the season ends. (Plus, my opponent in fantasy has him tonight and I'm down by 3 points, so I'm hoping for a big fat Ocho goose egg.)
I love our two headed tight end monster and Welker obviously...but if the Offensive line is going to be choking on nut sacks all year long... the Patriots are going to lose games. Tom Brady can't throw touchdowns from the ground... well, he can, but not enough to string together another perfect season.
The Ravens look terrifyingly good on both defense AND offense. The Jets look good on defense and practically Sanchez-riffic on offense. (Please note: any adjective which begins with "Sanchez" on Wide Right is pejorative. #noraces - Management.) The Bills strung together three lights out quarters of football on Sunday and hell, even I picked up Brandon Marshall after watching some of the Miami preseason games. There are no gimmees this year. League parity blah blah blah.
But I love my boys: Brady, Wilfork, Mankins, Branch, Welker, McCourty...wheeeee! I fear and respect our coach above all things, I prayed extra super hard on Sunday for another Patriots championship, so we'll see what we see. I'm also putting bets on the Ravens and the Jets to win the AFC championship and the Eagles or Green Bay to win the Superbowl for extra good coloring measure.
I'm ready for tonight and hope we squish the fish so bad, their stadium looks like "The Cove."
Lombardi FOUR.... REDEMPTION SEASON ACTIVATE!
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Fantasy Football is back!
F-train likes to say "no one cares about your fantasy football team but you." F-train is a jerk face!
I've been playing fantasy football for something like 12 years now. It has been eight years since I won and I STILL try to draft Daunte Culpepper EVERY year in the hopes of repeating. I found this hilarious roster of my 2005 team...like I drafted these people *ON PURPOSE*
BILLS DEFENSE??? REALLY?? *Head desk*
This is the result from the year before:
SEE? I pick the first available Daunte Culpepper EVERY TIME! I've gotten a lot better at fantasy football in recent years. I think I had the best draft of MY LIFE this year. I'm in two leagues. One with Clareiverse foes like F-train, VinNay and Alceste and another led by poker foe Unimpressed. Here are the results:
Alceste League:
QB
Matt Schaub
(Hou - QB)
WR
Mike Wallace
(Pit - WR)
WR
Brandon Marshall
(Mia - WR)
RB
Ray Rice
(Bal - RB)
RB
Maurice Jones-Drew
(Jac - RB)
TE
Dustin Keller
(NYJ - TE)
W/T
Greg Olsen
(Car - TE)
BN
Mike Williams
(TB - WR)
Cedric Benson
(Cin - RB)
Matt Ryan
(Atl - QB)
Willis McGahee
(Den - RB)
BN
James Starks
(GB - RB)
Danny Woodhead
(NE - RB)
Gostkowski: Kicker
Jets: Defense
F-train mocked my picks of Benson and the Jets D in the eighth round. However, he drafted a QB with his first pick and a Tight End with his third pick, so he can bite me.
Unimpressed League:
QB
Michael Vick
(Phi - QB)
WR
Mike Wallace
(Pit - WR)
WR
Mike Williams
(TB - WR)
RB
Cedric Benson
(Cin - RB)
RB
Knowshon Moreno
TE
Antonio Gates
(SD - TE)
Jeremy Maclin
(Phi - WR)
Arian Foster
(Hou - RB)Q
Ben Roethlisberger
(Pit - QB)
Julio Jones
(Atl - WR)
Ben Tate
(Hou - RB)
James Starks
(GB - RB)
Darren Sproles
(NO - RB)
Brent Celek
(Phi - TE)
Janikowski - Kicker
New Orleans - Defense
I have declared this team "sick"! My friend, Dr. Shady disagrees and kept trying to get me to trade Vick for some other RB and use Big Ben as my starter. When Foster went down to injury even before the damn season started, I began to worry that he was right. Of course, after Vick lit it up on Sunday and Big Ben sucked it like it was hot...I remembered that ain't no way a Yankees/Jets fan could EVER be right.
My strategy this year was simple: One awesome sauce running back, then receivers, receivers, receivers...but oh, if Michael Vick falls to me in the third round, okay. Also, since I have a history of watching my fantasy teams crumble, I also decided to cooler the Jets by picking their defense and Sanchez' favorite tight end target. I also did not pick any Patriots. Well, except for Gostkowski and Woodhead. The first because I've had him for three years straight and the latter because he's too little and needs to not be a starter for us anymore. It was cute last year because it was like "fuck you Jets." But we lost the Divisional round (sob) and I think we need to just focus on awesome...like say...Stevan Ridley! Holla!
Looking forward to Monday Night football, obviously!
I'm currently behind in the Alceste league, my opponent had Brees, who actually decided to show up this year, unlike last year when I had him. Ditto for Beanie Wells and Jabar Gaffney: em effers! I need big nights from Keller and the Jets D...but it's not looking good. I'm ahead in the other league.
Now, onward to Monday Night football! I'll try to get my Patriots season post up this afternoon...gotta say I still have nightmares about that fucking Detroit pre season game...and not just because a hurricane was barrelling toward my high rise, window covered apartment.
I've been playing fantasy football for something like 12 years now. It has been eight years since I won and I STILL try to draft Daunte Culpepper EVERY year in the hopes of repeating. I found this hilarious roster of my 2005 team...like I drafted these people *ON PURPOSE*
CAN WE REPEAT?
Saturday, September 10th, 2005 by Dawn Summers
CAN WE REPEAT?
2005 ECB RAMS
QB D. Culpepper (Min – QB)
WR H. Ward (Pit – WR)
WR C. Chambers (Mia – WR)
RB C. Martin (NYJ – RB)
RB J. Lewis (Bal – RB)
TE A. Crumpler (Atl – TE)
W/T P. Burress
K Vanderjact
Def Buffalo Bills
BILLS DEFENSE??? REALLY?? *Head desk*
This is the result from the year before:
1st round: Jamal Lewis, RB, Baltimore.
2nd round: Daunte Culpepper, QB, Minnesota
3rd round: Brian Westbrook, RB, Philadelphia*
4th round: Michael Bennett, RB, Minnesota (proof positive that some people NEVER learn)
5th round: Peerless Price, WR, Hotlanta
6th round: Curtis Martin, RB, Jets
(Sorry, Dawn he was taken in the third round by another team.)
Oops.
6th round: Anquan Boldin, WR, Arizona
(Actually, Dawn, it’s not your turn.)
Oh, my bad.
6th round (take three): Amani Toomer, WR, New York
7th round: Boo Williams, TE, New Orleans
8th round: Mike Vanderjagt, K, Indianapolis
9th round: Philadelphia Defense
10th round: Amani “it’s not a” Toomer, WR, New York
(Dawn, he was taken in the sixth round.)
(Dude, Dawn, YOU took him in the sixth round.)
Oh, right. My bad again.
10th round: Clinton Portis, RB, Washington.
(That’s it, Summers. You’re banned, banned from Fantasy Football forever. Portis was taken in the first round by another team.)
Oh, um…well, at least I didn’t pick him.
12 hours later…
10th round (take three): Eddie George, RB, Dallas
11th round: Brandon Lloyd, WR, San Francisco*
12th round: Jeff Garcia, QB, San Francisco
13th round: Muhsin Muhammad, WR, Carolina
14th round: Josh Reed, WR, Buffalo
15th round: Chester Taylor, RB, Baltimore Ravens
And that’s the squad.
So far Bennett’s been injured, Vanderjagt’s missed his first field goal in more than a year and a friend of mine playing Fantasy in another league said he had to rethink his whole team because he had picked one of the same backs that I did and figured he must have done something wrong.
SEE? I pick the first available Daunte Culpepper EVERY TIME! I've gotten a lot better at fantasy football in recent years. I think I had the best draft of MY LIFE this year. I'm in two leagues. One with Clareiverse foes like F-train, VinNay and Alceste and another led by poker foe Unimpressed. Here are the results:
Alceste League:
QB
Matt Schaub
(Hou - QB)
WR
Mike Wallace
(Pit - WR)
WR
Brandon Marshall
(Mia - WR)
RB
Ray Rice
(Bal - RB)
RB
Maurice Jones-Drew
(Jac - RB)
TE
Dustin Keller
(NYJ - TE)
W/T
Greg Olsen
(Car - TE)
BN
Mike Williams
(TB - WR)
Cedric Benson
(Cin - RB)
Matt Ryan
(Atl - QB)
Willis McGahee
(Den - RB)
BN
James Starks
(GB - RB)
Danny Woodhead
(NE - RB)
Gostkowski: Kicker
Jets: Defense
F-train mocked my picks of Benson and the Jets D in the eighth round. However, he drafted a QB with his first pick and a Tight End with his third pick, so he can bite me.
Unimpressed League:
QB
Michael Vick
(Phi - QB)
WR
Mike Wallace
(Pit - WR)
WR
Mike Williams
(TB - WR)
RB
Cedric Benson
(Cin - RB)
RB
Knowshon Moreno
TE
Antonio Gates
(SD - TE)
Jeremy Maclin
(Phi - WR)
Arian Foster
(Hou - RB)Q
Ben Roethlisberger
(Pit - QB)
Julio Jones
(Atl - WR)
Ben Tate
(Hou - RB)
James Starks
(GB - RB)
Darren Sproles
(NO - RB)
Brent Celek
(Phi - TE)
Janikowski - Kicker
New Orleans - Defense
I have declared this team "sick"! My friend, Dr. Shady disagrees and kept trying to get me to trade Vick for some other RB and use Big Ben as my starter. When Foster went down to injury even before the damn season started, I began to worry that he was right. Of course, after Vick lit it up on Sunday and Big Ben sucked it like it was hot...I remembered that ain't no way a Yankees/Jets fan could EVER be right.
My strategy this year was simple: One awesome sauce running back, then receivers, receivers, receivers...but oh, if Michael Vick falls to me in the third round, okay. Also, since I have a history of watching my fantasy teams crumble, I also decided to cooler the Jets by picking their defense and Sanchez' favorite tight end target. I also did not pick any Patriots. Well, except for Gostkowski and Woodhead. The first because I've had him for three years straight and the latter because he's too little and needs to not be a starter for us anymore. It was cute last year because it was like "fuck you Jets." But we lost the Divisional round (sob) and I think we need to just focus on awesome...like say...Stevan Ridley! Holla!
Looking forward to Monday Night football, obviously!
I'm currently behind in the Alceste league, my opponent had Brees, who actually decided to show up this year, unlike last year when I had him. Ditto for Beanie Wells and Jabar Gaffney: em effers! I need big nights from Keller and the Jets D...but it's not looking good. I'm ahead in the other league.
Now, onward to Monday Night football! I'll try to get my Patriots season post up this afternoon...gotta say I still have nightmares about that fucking Detroit pre season game...and not just because a hurricane was barrelling toward my high rise, window covered apartment.
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