Friday, November 11, 2011

This. Is. Sparta

"You don't have a football blog, you have a Patriots blog. Actually, you have a 'when the Patriots are winning blog.'" - Ugarles

LOL. Ugarles is the speaker of three of the top ten funniest things I've ever heard and that sentence is number 9 because it's totally true, yet hilarious.

Indeed, I've missed two weeks of the season and curiously enough, the Patriots lost both those games. In my defense, I missed the Pittsburgh game for personal reasons - my first missed Patriots game in five years, so I kinda blamed myself for the loss and geared up in full Riots regalia for the Giants game...we still lost...le sigh.

So here we are. Haynesworth? Cut. Bodden? Cut. Ochocinco? Missing in Action. Tom Love of My Life Brady? Getting benched in favor of Tim TEBOW.

Things look bleak. I do not believe we will win this game against the dreaded Jets on Sunday, I do not believe we will make the playoffs this year. That "rebuilding season" everyone's been talking about for the last three years? Yup. It's here. It's ugly. And I hate its stupid stupid face. But I suppose it's necessary, so, we've gone from redemption season to THE PATRIOTS LAST STAND.

Ever see 300? THAT.

What's left of our injury decimated squad will roll into New Jersey on Sunday night and face one of the toughest defenses in the league. Whatever happens, we will stand strong for as long as we can, until we are destroyed. Hopefully, we will take some of those fuckers down with us. And in that vein, if my boys face most certain death, they will not face it alone. I have invented the best ever 300 Patriots v. Jets drinking game:

One shot for every Patriots fumble.
Two shots for every Tom Brady interception.
Three shots for every Tom Brady Pick Six.
A glass of wine for every Sanchez Touchdown Pass.
Two glasses of wine for every Sanchez rushing touchdown.
Drink 8 oz. of water for every Sanchez interception.
Eat something for every Tom Brady Touchdown Pass.
If that pass is to Ocho Cinco, book trip to Disneyland.
Get a 90 minute Swedish massage for every Tom Brady rushing Touchdown.

This. Is. Sparta.

Someone come collect my body on Monday.

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