Monday, October 17, 2011

Oops, I crapped my pants

The entire left side of my head turned completely grey during the third quarter of this game.

I curse the name of Rob Ryan, though I don't know why I blamed him when the Patriots seemed to be imploding all on their own. Two more Tom Brady interceptions. Slater fumbles AND we turn it over to Dallas on the 30. Hernando turns it over in the redzone for the second consecutive game???

I was in the fetal position on my couch sucking my thumb and staring into the abyss of two more weeks of looking up at the Bills in the AFC East AND being forced to watch replays of Brady's interceptions. Oy. But there was hope right? We got the ball back with 10 minutes left! Punt. Ball back with 5 minutes left! Punt.
I want to die. Nothing is fair. Cowboys fans are filling up my mentions on twitter. I pray and pray for Romo to do something stupid.

Time marches on. Less than two minutes left.

I've given up. Huh. First down? Okay.

First down.

I feel hope creeping into my body...

First down. We're in Dallas territory.

Less than a minute left. At the thirty now... Gostkowski can tie it. First OT of the season... New England time out.

I can't. I just can't...

They're back... Brady scrambles around in the pocket... Looking...looking... Oh, God... He lets it rip.

The ball slams in Hernandez' chest, he falls backwards to the ground in the endzone. I wait for the anvil to drop on my head. Ball squirts out, his hair is out of bounds, Ocho called for holding on the sidelines. Something?

Nope. Touchdown. Extra point is good. Riots up by four with 22 seconds on the clock.

I am paralyzed with fear.

Kick off returned for TD? Tony Romo hail mary pass for a... Hahahaha okay, I never seriously contemplated Romo winning this for the Cowboys, I was despondent, not lobotomized. Clock winds to zero. The Cowboys don't score again.

Patriots win. I stare at the TV in disbelief.

It's one of those classic lose/lose scenarios. Patriots fans feel cheated because we should have crushed those circus clowns, not eeked out a last minute win. Dallas fans feel dejected because they lost.

Nobody's happy.

Well, except the Patriots fans who, after a few shots realize that the Giants' early game win over the Bills, coupled with Brady's heroics means the Riots go into the bye week in first! And by "Patriots fans" I mean me.

First place team says: KEEP.CALM. AND BRADY ON!

1 comment:

  1. You left out of the part where Vegas put on his Patriots hat. That's totally what got the win.