Sunday, October 18, 2009

Brady Swagger

I don't know where to begin with the awesomeness that was today in football. Well, how about at the beginning.
I was at work all day Saturday. However, the internal servers were down, so we spent all day having chair races and talking football. In the most bizarre development, in an New York office of 15 people, there were 7 BILLS fans and 7 PATRIOTS fans!!! One girl didn't know anything about football. We then spent an hour trying to teach her. The guy was like "You get four tries to go ten yards. If you can't do that, the other team gets the ball." She then asked "what if you go more than ten yards, do you get more tries to go the next ten yards."
That. Would. Be. Awesome.
Anyway, I had to be at work for ten am, this is three hours later than I usually go in, so of course, I overslept because I figured I'd have no trouble waking up. I make terrible decisions. Anyway, I get up at 9:00, jump in the shower, decide that driving would be my best chance of getting in on time, and head down to the garage in my building. As I'm going down to the basement, I see a mom and her like year and a half year old son climbing up the stairs. The kid is wearing the ADORABLEST TOM BRADY JERSEY ever made! Life! I too am wearing a Tom Brady jersey! (Even though I was worried that people would think I was just sucking up to my boss, who is also a Pats fan, but fuck 'em, I wear Pats jerseys every Sunday! Even when I'm watching from my couch at home.)
So, the mom and I are chatting as they amble up the stairs and when they finally reach the top, I say "Go Pats!" And the kid says something which was clearly "yes, I too would like the Pats to go!"
Sooo cute!!
Alas, I was working until 6, so I would miss the Pats kickoff.
I was checking the internets on my phone, so I mostly relied on twitterfeeds for the 1 pm games. The guy next to me was pissed because Big Ben was having a good game against the Browns, but he had benched him in favor of Tom Brady.
"I can't believe this. Ben already has 20 fantasy points! Every week, I have to decide and I get screwed every week."
I glared at him.
Shut the hell up.
I have the Steelers D on my fantasy team and they have screwed me EVERY week! Including today! How do the Browns score 14 points on them?? HOW?
For the Patriots game, I switched over to Espn gamecast. If things went badly I didn't want to read jerkface tweetage. And if things went well...
Brady was sacked early on. I was not happy. Alceste had told me that the Titans D was garbage and that the game would be a blowout. So, for this garbage D to sack my Tommy...well, I thought it was going to be a looooong day.
Not so!
Every time I checked my phone, Patriots had the ball!
And every time the Patriots had the ball....TOUCHDOWN!
I turned to the guy next to me, who had been regretting his decision to play Brady...
"Brady just got a touchdown."
"Make that two."
"Another Brady touchdown."
"I mean four!"
"And...that'll be five."
It was soo awesome!
I couldn't let my boss know I was gamecast watching until I was done, but then I turned to office door and said "Pats looking good!"
He replied "It was 24 nothing last I checked."
"Oh, it's like 38 nothing now...I mean 45 nothing!"
Brady swagger, bitches.
I got out and decided to go to the ESPN zone in Times Square.
Can you believe I couldn't find a bar with DirectTV anywhere closer?
ESPN zone had a sign up saying it would be ten dollars per hour because of the "huge interest in today's games."
Not bloody likely.
I did an end run around the hostess and took a seat near the bar.
I felt a little douchey showing up for the second half of a blowout wearing a Tom Brady jersey, so I kept my jacket zipped up and watched silently.
When Belichick pulled Brady after the sixth Touchdown, this dude in a Giants jersey starts talking shit about Brady and Belichick.
"Hey, nice game you guys had today," I said from my corner hiding place.
"OOOHHHH," the dudes in the Jets jerseys said.
Giants guy went back to drinking his beer.
Thaaat's right.
The whole bar couldn't believe what was happening to the Titans.
"This is like a college game score."
"College game, nothing. This is like a Madden videogame score."
I chuckled quietly.
I jumped out of my chair as the Bills tied up the game against the Jets.
Now the Jets fans stared at me.
"You a Bills fan, girl?"
I unzipped my jacket, revealing the mighty mighty 12!
"This girl is Patriots fan! Look at her wearing a Brady jersey up in here."
Giants fan guy turns around, "well, at least she has the good sense to cover that shit up."
"Hey, I was just being humble, seeing as my guys are whipping the hell out of the Titans right now...even worse than the Saints beat you guys."
"Beat y'all in the Superbowl."
"Even a blind squirrel can find a nut once in a while."
Jets guy jumps in:
"We beat y'all two in a row! Last year at Foxboro and then here at home."
"Yeah, and then you went on to win the division and go to the playoffs, right?"
It was pretty light hearted and we were laughing back and forth. Everyone was happy to see Philly lose. But then Sanchez threw his third...fourth...interception and now the Bills were one field goal kick away from upsetting the Jets!
They were quiet, I was jubilant!
Then the Bills kick was...what's the name of this blog again?
Oh. Yeah.
OT. AND The Jets won the flip.
But no! The Bills hold 'em and the fake kick is intercepted!! Bills ball!
(The bar was PISSED, by the way. They thought Feely would have made the kick!)
Anyway, as OT marched along, a Bills fan sauntered over and he immediately starts to boo me.
"Hey, I'm rooting for you guys, buddy."
"Oh yeah?"
"Hell yes!"
He gives me a high five. We weather the ups and downs together until the Bills were intercepted with 6 minutes to. Lemon.
The announcers started to talk "tie."
Eh, I'll take a tie!
Buffalo guy was not happy about that at all.
"Come on! We're gonna win!"
Bills win, Bills tie...Patriots still in first.
But HUZZAH! Lindell's kick is good!
Everybody's happy!!!
Except the Jets.
GO RIOTS!!! Let us never speak of Denver again.
Brady Swagger.


  1. Glad you got a chance to see today's games. ESPN Zone was a good tip, eh? *wink wink*

  2. Patriots fans are everywhere in this city.

    Check this out:

    3-Time Super Bowl Loser

    I saw that as I was shopping for a winter coat at the Kohl's in Caesar's Bay. I was so disgusted I almost didn't buy that Sonoma jacket.

  3. Yes, classick! I totally owe you for the tip!! Woo, go Riots!

  4. You know, back when you didn't realize the Bills/Pats were in the same division and were rooting for the Bills/Russert last year they were kicking ass. When you stopped rooting for them, the season fell apart. Yesterday you prayed to Timmy R, and got the win. I think you have some powers.

  5. The Saints' worst drive in the first half AGAINST THE GIANTS was getting stopped on 4th and goal from the 1. Then they stripped Manning and scored two plays later.

    Their second worst drive involved a missed extra point.

    I am enjoying this season.

  6. I too vicariously enjoyed that Giant beatdown! #whodat

    -dawn summers

  7. instead of naming your blog "wide right"... why don't you name it "One Giant Loss.." HAHAHAHA. Go back to new england where you're welcome.

  8. Um, because I'm a *Patriots* fan, genius. But yes, I do hope to go back to Foxboro soon! Get me tickets to the next Patriots home game! Make everybody happy.